A letter to everyone I know. And even those I don't,
Today has been long. Today has been tough. By mainly for a lot of people around me.
This morning, the cat somehow opened the back door herself. While I was getting in the shower. So. No clothes, no shoes, no socks. One foot in the shower. Home all alone. Hear the back door shut. Peek around the corner down the hallway and see the cat staring at me. From the other side of the door.
As I scrambled for the closest clothes I could throw on, sans shoes and socks I started cursing the cat. Monday morning. So good to see you, frenemy. No one else here, busy day coming up at work. And here I am. Outside. In case anyone was wondering - the ground was still semi-frozen. And the back deck at my house is full of squishy and thick mud - it's heavy. And serves as a small shield for the thorny remains of flowers, particularly rose bushes.
My feet were sunk into the mud, my fuse was at its end. And the cat was wavering from side to side under the deck I'm too tall to crawl under. Ironic, isn't it? The one thing I'm too tall for. And it hit me - the world keeps spinning. Mine was spinning out of control at the moment. But, it was spinning.
Earlier in the morning I had seen the update that an old friend's mother had passed away. A coworker I would call a great friend was going to be absent today because she was still handling things from her mother's unexpected passing a week and a day before. Saturday evening, I had run into a coworker who alerted me another beloved coworker's son had died suddenly over the weekend.
And here I was, chasing a cat and cursing at how late I was going to be for the day.
The cat was safe, the running shower received an occupant, finally, and I was on my way to work. Still marveling at how some of the people I care about the most were dealing with life changing and hard moments: the one year anniversary of a parent's passing or a hospital stay for an infection while battling cancer.
And here I was deciding if I wanted to stop for a coffee or a Diet Coke before I hit the office. Where, undoubtedly, there would be confused and sad people at the absence of at least two coworker's for the day. And probably for the week while they handled their affairs.
Sometimes it's incredible that the world keeps turning. Sometimes it's beautiful. If my world had stopped, the way I thought it would when my father died - I would have missed out on the last year of my life. The last year of my life has been pretty amazing, even with his absence. Sometimes it's so good, I feel sadder. Because he's not here to see my accomplishments and share in my happiness. And mainly because he has missed another year of my amazing (and inappropriate jokes. As a warning, if both your parents are dead I will, in fact, tell you at some point "know who else doesn't have parents? Batman. And he's awesome. You'll be fine. And probably need to get a bigger belt.").
If the world stopped every time something bad happened? We would still have dinosaurs. Wait. We'd still have dinosaurs. I could really use an attack raptor. Can we rewind? But then we would miss out on all the good upcoming good moments. The nights spent doing nothing in the company of someone good, the emails sent back and forth between a group of friends, the quick but moving conversations with favored coworker's, the coffees shared with friends, the surprise texts reminding you of a shared memory. All of these things are waiting ahead. Even when the world feels like it shouldn't even be spinning.
Just know. If I know you, and today has been tough for you? I've thought of you. I've sent good wishes. I've made a batch of cookies, to share, but also because when I'm sad or unsure of what else to do - I bake. And I've wondered at how the world keeps spinning when your life isn't just right. And then I made the decision to get the coffee instead of the Diet Coke.
With love,
Denise
